so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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