Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
