You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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