i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she looked like the before picture.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
