I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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