is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
