Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize