$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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