How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
