my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
