I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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