The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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