suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
