Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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