Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
