Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
