the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
