so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
