Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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