all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
