The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
