Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just had sex bonerless
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
