How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
