i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
