Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
