She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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