What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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