Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize