Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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