She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i would punch a child for taco bell
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
