Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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