Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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