he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So much rum. So many feels.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
