i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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