Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
