Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
