whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
