your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
