whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
