Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
