Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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