My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
