They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
