I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
