I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
