no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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