I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
