Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
