Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
me + whiskey = a bad person
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
