Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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