I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
