Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
