You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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