Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
