can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
