She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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