Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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