Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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