Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
