Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
