ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
