Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
