THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
