just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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