I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
