Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
