just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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