Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
