You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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