Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
