my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
