oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
