I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize