would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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