I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
