Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
