I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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