Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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