I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize