There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
